Pakistanis - something to learn from?

I was reading the journal this weekend and my eye caught an article titled "Why My Father Hated India". I read it to find the usual litany of why Pakistanis hate Indians, nothing unique given it stems form a series of historic occurrences.....no different than why the Palestinians and Israelis don't get along (an understatement I realize), or the Greeks and Turks and more. People unwilling to let the past go, to live in the current and plans for the future...what a radical notion! This is the 21^st century where one would think we as humans have evolved to a point where we can transcend hate and power to something more positive with that energy….yes I recognize it is ideal talk and not practical.

But it gave me pause to think about my own thinking having evolved over the last couple of decades to a point where I now feel we should be thinking differently and drastically to help “SAVE” Pakistan. Growing up in India and going to school there, I was surrounded by an anti-Pakistani feeling. The history that was taught suggested that India fought 3 wars (many more since) and won them all. The Bollywood movies invariably had the bad guys from Pakistan, all terrorism equated to Pakistan….even when India got beat in cricket by a onetime superior Pakistan cricket team we found a way to rationalize the devil in it. When I moved to business school in the UK, I stayed in a school residence where 7 of us bunked together. My house mates where a bunch of fun loving Greeks who focused more on Ouzo than whatever it was they were there to study, a kindly Canadian and Singaporean and yes a Pakistani doctor. The good doctor was there to learn business so he could go back to Pakistan and work in hospital management to improve the condition of healthcare in his country. Given the 20 years of my anti-Pakistani mindset, I generally ignored the good doctor and one could have also felt I was rude to him. Over the next couple of months, we did bump in to each other more often as we were in the same class, same house and used the same kitchen. Long story short we got in to debates and it was not long before I learned that his school in Karachi taught him that Pakistan engaged in 3 wars with India and that they; Pakistan won them all. I was shocked and aggravated at the lies that they were being taught...the good doctor felt similarly about what we were taught in India. Then it began to dawn upon me as I spoke to him more and learnt about his life, his family and more…yes here comes the cliché….there was more in common than not. When I got past the fact that he was the big bad Pakistani, I found him to be a really good person who was more open minded than I was, taught me a few things like tolerance, the view from the other side and to cook some mean Pakistani curries. We stayed in touch for as long as he lived in the UK and then drifted apart. I hope he is doing well and has managed to make a difference in his country…god knows they need it.  When I moved to Manchester, I found that the folks of Pakistani origin where more friendly and helpful than my Indian brothers. While my thinking kept evolving based on these experiences, I leaned more and more on the fact that geographic affiliations is not a reflection of who you really are. Not all Indians are good and not all Pakistanis evil…..I imagine some of my friends of Indian origin will consider me to be a pariah and expect some stick for it, but it is not right to perpetuate a false sterotype, when stereotyping by itself is flawed. With so much information available....ignorance is not an acceptable excuse to learn more.

Pakistan has many problems and would be a dissertation on its own to consider what is wrong and how to fix it. I have spoken to many about Pakistan including my own family who have some really drastic solutions….none of which I subscribe to.  However the purpose of this short blog was to share my own evolution based on interacting with people from Pakistan. I was disturbed that people in an official capacity use the word hate and their families would perpetuate that sentiment..on both sides of that border. So this is my tiny effort to spread tolerance….not love, certainly not hate….but tolerance and patience to learn the other side’s story before jumping to conclusions.