Hindu weddings: An Indian puzzle unraveled or not...

Indian Hindu weddings are particularly lengthy and ritualistic that I have often wondered about the significance behind it all. I have had the privilege of attending a few Muslim, Christian and non denominational weddings and have generally been able to follow what was going and the basic gist of the rationale behind it. I call out Indian Hindu weddings as there are Hindu's elsewhere in the world and seem to practice the faith differently, especially in Indonesia, where I was shocked to find out that it was ok to were shoes in to Hindu temples....an absolute no no in India! Hindu weddings on the other hand had remained a mystery, especially with the many denominations of the religion, combined with the various regions of India and the several intricate flavors exasperating the permutations and combination's. My own wedding was a combination of multiple rituals given Saritha and I come from practitioners of different denominations of the religion from different regions of India. I found it annoying then that one had to participate in something that was a celebration for their union, but with really no understanding of it. I remained circumspect about it all while some of the elders tried to explain it to me…which is amusing in itself that most do not know the significance themselves.

So about a year ago, Saritha & I were invited to a wedding in New Jersey, a long time friend of hers. The bride’s father is a very learned individual and takes pride in sharing his knowledge with anybody who is willing to learn. At that wedding he provided all the invitees a program that also explained the various steps that were going to occur in the wedding. To provide context this was wedding of 2 individuals whose roots trace back to the south of India. I mention this as I believe the steps in weddings in other regions of India, though Hindu in religious affiliation are different.

In my quest to educate others as well as just general wonderment I reproduce those steps;

This is a very noisy event, I say noisy as they play traditional wedding music but it generally sounds like a bunch of teenagers banging away at a new set of drums with no tune. The "Kalyana Mandapa" is the stage where the ceremony will take place and is generally decked up in flowers and other decorations.

This is a fairly private affair with the family as I understand takes place prior to the rituals with the groom.

Similar to the previous "female" event, this one is all about the male.

At this time the groom has only the priest for company. The priest is essentially the master of the ceremony and provides direction to the groom on the rituals. Invariably as in my case, the groom is mindlessly following priestly instructions, without understanding the rationale or purpose, while being stared at by a large audience of strangers.....again a very unique ingredient of Indian weddings, across all religious affiliations. Strangers being acquaintances of ones parents and really distant relatives.

Strangely enough even though guests have been invited to the wedding and have all gathered it is not official until the priest actually confirms that.

In my opinion the actual wedding commences from this point forward. I also know that in many marriages in India, where the parents do the selection, this is possibly the 1st semi view of the bride for the groom...that is assuming she is not wearing veil or the partition slips from the fingers of one of the family members.

The father of the bride I understand officially relinquishes his responsibilities of his daughter. While it is clear what is going on, I still do not understand "why", e.g. Why does the groom have to accept 3 times, why not 6 or once. Is it to ensure that the father gets it and there are no doubts? There are various such rituals where it does not seem very efficient or rationale at all yet it appears to have been passed on over generations.

The even more complicated rituals start here, which is a cross between fireworks and cooking. The fireworks is if this is truly the 1st time the groom and bride are seeing each other, could really go either ways I think. The various colored rices, spices, molasses and more makes me wonder is this is cooking happiness!

As it appears to be custom in most cultures and religions, that the newly wed share something to symbolize the union. In Hindu wedding's the groom generally ties necklace that is almost always upgraded to gold at some point. Not quite clear why it is not done at the same time....I reckon it has to do to allow the wife;s input in to the design.

I guess this is more of the same, i.e. agreements with each other as well as reaching a higher power for protection and guidance. I have often wondered how we would compare the very first wedding with those now in the 21st century. Could we measure? Is there a relationship of the complexity of the ritual with the success of it? Is a grand wedding with all the trimmings vs a less grander affair have any say?

My interpretation of the special prayer to fire is that it represents danger. Since one does not to want to court danger, it is customary to assuage it...pray to it. While many parts of the ritual are not clear and I question the rationale for it, one thing is clear. The Hindu gods have a hierarchy and it is critical to understand that so the right ones are paid the right homage.

The next several steps bears down on the completion of a blessed union.. There are 2 events in particular that are very unique to Hindu weddings, one when the groom and bride walk around the fire seven times. I have heard that is because of the 7 continents,. 7 oceans and lot of things, but do not believe I have heard a true & convincing answer....but that is also true of many of the other rituals. The otheris a bit of fun and frolicking, when the groom and bride fight to get a gold ring buried in rice in an earthen pot. They have to do this with just their hands without the luxury of seeing inside the pot. I wonder what the statistics are around....more brides winning, if so were they allowed to win by the smart grooms and if it has any implications upon the marriage..

The one last ritual I have to comment is when the priest leads the bride & groom outside to show some star. It is rather strange and contrite considering a vast amount of Hindu weddings take place in the day due to when the holy hour of the holy day falls. Given that, how on earth are they ever going to see the star during the wedding. What implications does this have upon the marriage then?

That said, eere is some history to Hindu weddings',

While my intent has not be blasphemous, I have to wonder about these rituals and if the gods are truly sitting somewhere with a check list and scratching off items we do them vs. not and then rewarding us appropriately, especially since the rationale behind these actions are vague and arbitrary at best. I am sure more will be married in this manner, some may question the wisdom of sitting in a really warm area, gawked at by strangers and others may just go through the motions to ensure they dont displease the gods. But one thing is certain....this will continue to evolve...hopefully in to something more practical.